ThankYouGrace: Mother

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother

I had little idea what it really meant to be a mom until I actually became one. I mean, yes, I
knew it had to do with caring for & loving your children, but really...clearly... . had NO
idea what it actually meant. What it really felt like. How beautiful and hard
and wonderful and nerve-racking and joyous it really is.

I remember so vividly the fear I had after Grace was born . It's nothing I ever
anticipated. I was terrified that she'd choke (she spit up A LOT) or stop
breathing. I literally couldn't take my eyes off of her. She slept in a cradle
on my side of the bed & if I slept, it was with one eye open in-between
our hourly feedings. That fear has lessened over time, but I can't imagine that it will
ever go away. It changes with each stage of her development, but the worry is
always there in one form or another.

And the love! I had absolutely no idea how much love I would have for her. An
endless amount. I would walk for eternity for her. I would slay dragons for her.
I would hold her in my arms forever. Nothing else in the world can truly
compare to that feeling. My child. My flesh & blood, grown & birthed from my
body. Undeniable, beautiful love.

For me, to be a mother is to be whole. I have become complete. It's not that I
was "less than" before, it's that I am "more than" now (if that makes any sense
to you). I have done wonderful things with my life and accomplished awesome
goals- all of which matter a great deal to me, but none of which even pale in
comparison to my role as a mother. Not even slightly.

I absolutely love being a mom. The good, the bad, & the ugly of it. I know
every single moment of my life lead me here. All of the ups & downs
brought me to this place of joy & contentment. I couldn't be prouder when
someone asks me what I do & I get to say "I am a mom".